A Badge of Honor??? Rated PG-13

It never ceases to amaze me each day I wake up, I thank God I am still able to stretch my legs and walk on my own accord, BUT I find I am experiencing more and more symptoms of MS... I don't know whether to call these symptoms "a badge of Honor" or what...

I am using my blog to chronicle my experiences with MS symptoms, as a means to keep it all in check... We all know how MS affects our memory and cognitive functions on a daily basis - some days our recollection is good, other days not so good ~ some days we can remember that we are suffering this symptom, other days we have a hard time remembering what we ate for breakfast - and find it best to write stuff down... I find that sharing my experiences with others that have MS - some that have been recently diagnosed - may help them through hard times as I try and put a bit of a humorous spin on things... YEAH, I find that humor makes this journey a bit more of an easier pill to swallow... Otherwise, I may just turn into a bitter old bitch that just decides to give up on life!!! And - excuse my language for a second - FUCK that!!! I got too much to live for to let this damn disease beat me!!! So, my dear beloved MSer friends, I pray that my chronicles help you through a tough spot in life... I may swear like a sailor and curse like a soldier once in a blue moon, BUT I promise to keep my blog mostly Rated G and for the most part PG-13 at least... Not much Rated R stuff... Only once in a while... But I will for warn you first...

Anyway... My newest development is the B & B stuff everyone is always talking about... Yeah, it hit ME now... If I don't make a MAD DASH for the potty room, I have an accident... Yesterday afternoon, I didn't even know I had to go - until it was already coming out... I was running for the bathroom!!! Good thing we have a "potty room" down stairs and I had clothing on the dryer - OTHERWISE I would have been HUMILIATED!!! I haven't had an accident since I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Angelia - my youngest daughter - and she was laying directly on my bladder KICKING IT!!! It's bad enough in the mornings I have to have my husband help me out of bed IF I was dumb enough to lay on my back during the night and stay there... IF I do that, my legs just won't work because my back spasms and seizes up my legs... It's a rather new development as well... Now with my neck issues due to falling out of bed, well that is just icing on the cake isn't it??? I actually have to roll out of bed in the morning - praying I can make it to the bathroom!!! I wake up about 4 times a night - running to the bathroom... This is something I NEVER did, unless of course I was 6 - 9 months pregnant...

Then the other "B" - OMGosh... Where does it ALL come from??? I do NOT eat THAT much!!! I mean REALLY??? How in the HELL can a person S.H.I.T. this much??? I mean really 4 to 9 times a day when a person only eats maybe 2 meals a day - if she's lucky... I only eat when MY body tells me I am HUNGRY - other wise I get SICK - nauseous sick - and feel all kinds of bloated like my stomach is going to blow up... So really, where does "IT" all come from??? And why is "IT" so watery??? Wait, the watery part I understand... It's because I drink so much fluids... But, really, Really, REALLY??? Come on... Does anyone else experience this??? If I am not making the "MAD DASH" to the potty room for the "#1 B" I am making the "MAD DASH" for the "#2 B" it is infuriating!!! I can barely "contain" myself when I make those "mad dashes" to the potty room... It drives me absolutely crazy! I just don't understand why it is happening to me now...

I am starting to have other symptoms that are confusing me too... I mean I have been taking my Avonex therapy right along religiously... I take my medications - Religiously... I have been a good girl so I don't understand all of this... Is it normal for an individual who is on a MS therapy medication like Avonex to start having more symptoms? I thank God that I am going to see my neurologist on the 31st because this is all things I need to discuss with him I am thinking... I just do not understand why this is happening all of a sudden... Well, not all of a sudden... It has been over the last 3 or 4 months I'd say... It is quite infuriating when a person is used to being quite independent then having to rely on people...

 My poor sweet husband, God bless his gentle soul, gets up at 5:30 am, works all day, then comes home and waits on me hand and foot... It isn't fair to him - at least I don't think so... On his days off, he does our laundry, washes our sheets and remakes our bed, cleans our room, and does things around the house that I used to be able to do... This so isn't fair to him... Lord knows I try, but I just can't... I feel so bad, but what can I do... He WILL NOT allow me to do these things any more... He knows if I try, I will be down on the couch not able to move for 3 days or more... I do help fold our clothes, but I can't make our bed... He is ALWAYS after our daughters to help keep the house clean, but they do not understand HOW important it is... They do not understand IF the kitchen is NOT clean I can get deathly sick... So, I go behind them and clean it - or should I say TRY and clean it... My oldest daughter I can kind of understand her, she has Asperger's syndrome - which is on the higher end of Autism - but we have been working with her FOREVER so she she be used to it... My youngest daughter (who is 17) THERE IS NO EXCUSE for her except LAZINESS or teen-aged angst "know it all" bull-crap... So of course Mom suffers... There is always some excuse for their behavior and of course I do not want to deal with the stress so I just let it go... So I deal with my allergies acting up because the house isn't as clean as it should be - like I would have it IF I could keep it clean like I USED TO... I clean what I can when I can, IF I can... I deal with getting scolded like a child by my husband because I did something I shouldn't have and made myself hurt... Oh well, it has to get done Right??? IF I waited for the girls to do it, HELL would freeze over first... So I will bust my butt and make my muscles spasm IF I have to... The girls can go with out their cell phone time, if they can't help me out!!! To hell with them!!! IF YOU want something from ME, darn it YOU HAVE TO EARN IT!!! and to HELL with them IF they don't like it!!!

So is MS a badge of Honor??? I think so... Ya wanna know why??? Because no matter what, we were this disease like a soldier wears his uniform - WITH PRIDE... We do what is necessary to make it through our day... We strive to make it to the potty room with dignity - when at all possible... We PRIDE ourselves on what ever we can do BY OURSELVES... SO my dearest friends, IS MS a badge of honor - I say DAMN STRAIGHT it is!!! Anything you can do independently as long as you can IS a BADGE OF HONOR!!! When you think of it that way, well, it doesn't seem that bad does it??? Maybe I am just overly positive today - even with all the negative going on in the last several months... However, I tend to try and look for the positive over the negative otherwise - like I said in the beginning - I would be ONE bitter Bitch!!! I REALLY do not want to turn out that way!!!

Hugs and Smiles sent out to all of you my dear MS friends :)